Happy Birthday, Mom

As a kid, I thought it was neat that my parents shared so many similarities…

Both of their Mom’s shared the name “Helen” and their Father’s were “John”. Even stranger was the fact that their birthdays fell so close to each other. My Dad was born on the 16th of December and my Mom on the 19th. Only three days and several thousand miles separated their births.

Mom passed away in 1984.

Some days it seems like just yesterday. Other days, it seems like a lifetime ago.

Make no mistake, I loved my Dad, but my Mom and I were best friends. The void left by her loss has never been filled. I had hoped that the pain would one day subside, but I can honestly say that a day rarely goes by when I don’t miss her.

There are so many things that I never got to share with her. So many things that I never got to ask her. I have lived the last 20 years in a semi-state of limbo, wondering just how Mom would handle the various curve balls that life has thrown at me. I miss Dad’s advice and guidance, too, but the bond that Mom and I shared was sometimes closer to sisters – and there were things that she shared with me that I know other girl’s Mom’s didn’t share with them.

For the longest period of time, I could close my eyes and see her face and her hands (the hands of an artist, although a little fatter and more tender) and hear her voice. Her laugh always brought me such comfort. As the years have passed by, my memory of her laugh has faded. Occasionally, I’ll be out in public and hear a familiar laugh that makes my heart skip a beat and my words catch in my throat.

I often wonder if she had not died how different my life might be. Would I have ever gotten in to a relationship with JB knowing that my Mom probably would not have approved? Or would I have settled for a life of wedded bliss with MS and the six kids that we so often talked about having? She would have been a wonderful Grandma – she was a great Mom.