2006 – A New Year, A New Beginning

Well, I’ve pretty much pissed away the first day of the new year the same way I’ve pissed away the 365 that made up 2005 (except when I was working away at my dead-end job… which often amounted to more than 12 hours away from home on any given day) mindlessly surfing the internet, playing insipid computer games, watching movies/television shows that I’ve seen multiple times, generally futzing – anything to avoid the things that I figure will amount to a hill of beans in my life – or define who I am – taking photos, writing or decluttering my life. (The latter not a definition of who I am unless you consider the fact that my life has spiraled out of control and as it’s done so, the level of clutter has increased exponentially – so, no, not a life-goal, but a necessity!)

It’s not a start to the new year that I would have wanted – but it’s apparently the rut that I’ve chosen to remain in.

The fact is, last evening as I perused my favorite blogs that litter the web, I read with interest the various resolutions that each author penned. I envied their ability to succinctly describe their goals…

Then I attempted to type out my goals.

The truth is, I’ve never been good at making goals. Heck, I had planned (it was a goal) on changing jobs this year, getting the hell away from the dysfunctional company that I’ve worked for over a decade… What did I actually accomplish? Well, after a litany of bosses passed before my cubical, I did finally manage to change jobs – unfortunately, I’m still with the same dysfunctional company!

As the evening wore on, I realized that regardless of the day dawning before me, the dreams/goals that I have on one side of midnight are no different than the goals on the other side of midnight… and January 1st or April 27th really makes no difference.

I need to initiate change gradually – I know that I need to lose weight (it’s taken years to reach my current bloated weight; although my recent stress-eating hasn’t helped!), start exercising (wanting to get in physical shape isn’t just going to happen magically and effortlessly), reduce my consumption of fatty/nutritiously vacuous foods, focus on my writing and photography, find a job that is fulfilling, closer to home and still pays the bills, reduce my debt, be a better sister/friend, stop procrastinating, reduce the mess/clutter at home and become more organized… The list is longer, but these are the main points of focus at this moment. Small steps.

The thing is, there isn’t anything magical about January 1st… I can change my life any day of the year. Which, ironically, is usually what keeps me from doing it.

A New year: 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes–a time to consider directions, goals, and actions. I must make some plans to live a normal life, but also I must live emotionally within a twenty-four hour frame, for if I do, I don’t have to make New Year’s resolutions! I can make every day a New Year’s day! I can decide, “Today I will do this . . .Today I will do that.” Each day I can measure my life by trying to a little better, by deciding to follow God’s will and making an effort to put the principles of our A.A. program into action. ~Daily Reflections

To anyone who drops by this blog, I wish you health, happiness, love and prosperity in the new year. I hope our paths cross often.